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Trust me, it’s easier said than done.

Creating boundaries is probably one of the most challenging things I had to face in my early 20s.

I was not taught to say no to things. I was not taught to use my voice.

I was taught that my actions are not my own. My body is not mine to criticize. But my mind is free for the taking.

I, at times, had trouble wondering why I was so irritated when somebody said ‘no’ to what I wanted in life, but I had no choice but to comply to what they want from me.

It became a constant battle in my mind.

Do what they say and you’ll be done with them faster.

That was the motto.

Not anymore.

Here’s 3 things I did that helped to create boundaries in my life.

1: Distancing Myself

This was a challenge for me.

I’m usually the person everybody calls when they need something.

If you need me, I’ll be there.

I was that person.

It took me a while to figure out that distancing myself was the most effective way to start with creating some sort of boundary.

I needed to take a step back so I could evaluate where I was with respecting my own boundaries in life.

Let’s just say… I basically had no respect for my own boundaries.

Therefore, distancing myself was a way to respect myself first rather than last.

Now, when you decide to distance yourself, you’ll see who wants you for just you and those who want something from you.

2: Saying ‘NO’

Reject them.

It’s not going to physically hurt them. I promise.

Saying no, to keep your peace should be prioritized.

There’s a time and place, where you should keep the peace, not only for your sake but mutually with whomever. But if it affects your mental health, say no.

This goes both ways.

If somebody says no to you, don’t take it personally. They’re protecting their mental health first before letting a piece of them die again.

Say no and respect when somebody tells you no.

3: Communication

The saying ‘communication is key’ is the most important saying when you’re trying to create boundaries in your life.

When you’re creating boundaries, you need to be able to communicate with yourself.

Ask yourself: “Do I want to be an extrovert? Or do I want to stay in and take care of myself?”

Now, you don’t owe every person you reject plans with a reason. No excuse is better than lying.

Be truthful, don’t lie.

More importantly, don’t lie to yourself.

When you’re able to communicate your needs to yourself and recognize why you’re making this decision, you’ll not only grow but start to see where you tend to draw the line.

It gives a sense of stability when you can recognize what you want, when you want it and how you want it.

Personally, I now schedule majority of the things in my life. It’s a two way communication with my body and mind to be able to be around others but still have that respect for what I feel in certain moments.

Trust me, it will be weird at first. I was uncomfortable saying no to certain things before feeling guilty about saying no.

But at the end of the day, I’m a much better person with more respect for my needs and boundaries, than before.

I was also able to figure out who were my people and who were just using me.

Uncomfortable, but necessary.

I’m no longer over exhausting myself and I’m in a much better place mentally with setting boundaries for myself.

So, create those boundaries. Put yourself before others.

Until next time,

Sweet T.