coffee Convos

There comes a point in life, where you ‘wake up’ and realize, you’re not happy.

Whether it’s with your career, school or your lifestyle.

Maybe, it’s your relationship!

Regardless, you realize, something needs to change.

I had to exact same realization, and trust me. It hits you out of nowhere.

As I was driving home one night, I was deep in thought when I realized. I’m not where I want to be in life and therefore something needs to change.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was a full-time student, working and had a healthy social life. So how could I not be happy?

Easy.

I was stuck in a cycle where I gave 95% of my time to other people. Whether it was during my career path or simply spending time with my friends to catch up.

I. Was. Not. Happy.

It was then that I realized, most of my time was spent pleasing other people with my presence, rather than appreciating myself. I was not giving myself attention.

Others might say, “oh that’s easy, just book a spa day” or “You spend enough time in your bed, how much more ‘me time’ do you need?”

Let me paint the picture for you. If I’m stressed mentally while I’m in bed doing nothing, I am not actually resting. I am overwhelmed and stuck with no outlet to relieve the stress.

So, let me share a secret with you…

Set your boundaries.

Now, this will not be easy. Trust me.

You’ll feel so guilty at first for saying no. Whether it’s to a family member or a friend that wants you to make time for them. It could also be at work.

Saying no and standing firm on that decision, will be the first step in drawing a line that tells others “hey, I’m not going to let you push me further than I already accommodated you for”.

Don’t let others push you further than you think you can go.

Set your standards!

You don’t want to know the amount of times I heard ‘I don’t have standards’. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing.

But when you’re putting yourself first, that means establishing your standards in life.

Whether it’s in relationships or your personal life.

Set those standards.

I have the highest standards when it comes to how I live my life. It’s not that I’m high maintenance. It’s because I know where I want to be in life and to get there, I need to live and do things a certain way.

The standards in which you want to set, doesn’t have to be high, but it doesn’t have to be super low. It can be based on certain things that you do or don’t want in you life.

Things you won’t tolerate.

Red flags, if you will.

And the last one for today:

Do something fun!

From buying that scarf you usually wouldn’t buy to going golfing just to experience something new, do something you will remember.

Do it alone or with company.

Making time for something fun, even for 5 minutes, can brighten your day. Especially if it’s something you normally wouldn’t do, like sitting in nature without the cities life.

Once a month, I will go some place new and broaden my mindset. Sometimes it’s to a new library and picking out a different book I normally wouldn’t read. Other times, I will do a new fitness activity.

Getting drunk on the weekends only lasts so long. But doing something that will create memories for you, will last a lifetime.

Maybe it’ll last even longer than your lifetime. It’ll be something you tell your grandkids or your nieces and nephews when you get older.

Whatever it is, just have fun.

Point for you if it’s sober fun.

Putting yourself first won’t be easy. But it will be worthwhile if you stick with it. I’m living proof of that.

The person I was a year ago, would not recognize the person I am today. The person you guys get to interact with.

So, set your boundaries, create some standards and have fun in life. Put yourself first. You won’t regret it.